Robert Brumm
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Four Songs You Love That Celebrate Pedophiles

4/10/2014

20 Comments

 
Ah, pedophiles. You gotta love 'em. And what a perfect subject for a catchy pop song. No, wait a minute. We all HATE pedophiles. What kind of sick twisted pervert would write a song about one? Nobody, right? Well, hold on there bub, because you may have been singing along to one of those mysterious songs in the car this very morning without even realizing it.

Ladies, gents, and especially children, I give you four popular songs that celebrate pedophiles.

"Young Girl" Gary Puckett & The Union Gap

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Let's start off with an easy one and the most obvious. Unless you're a mindless zombie able to tune out the world around you, I know you've heard this song and wondered the same thing I did: "How in the holy hell did this song get air play on the radio?!"

Let's take a closer look at those lyrics, shall we?

Young girl, get out of my mind
My love for you is way out of line
Better run girl,
You're much too young girl


It starts off a little sketchy right out of the gate. He's basically telling this girl to RUN AWAY because he can't promise his junk won't stay on his side of the bell bottoms.

With all the charms of a woman
You've kept the secret of your youth
You led me to believe
You're old enough
To give me Love
And now it hurts to know the truth, Oh,


Translation: You told me your were 18! Old enough to give me, ahem, "love" and now I have blue balls. Did I mention you better run?

Beneath your perfume and make-up
You're just a baby in disguise
And though you know
That it is wrong to be
Alone with me
That come on look is in your eyes, Oh,


Time to take it up an notch and use the word "baby." Not creepy enough for you, Gary? Notice how he turns it all on the girl. He's the strong one rejecting her advances. What a hero.

So hurry home to your mama
I'm sure she wonders where you are
Get out of here
Before I have the time
To change my mind
'Cause I'm afraid we'll go too far, Oh,


Again, talking about "mama" just to remind us how young this gal is. Not much of a hero anymore, is he? He's basically telling us that unless she leaves right now, they'll go too far. Much, much, too far.

Young girl get outta my mind
my love for you is way outta line
better run girl, your much too young girl


Feel the need to take a shower yet? Now, I know what you're thinking. "Hey man, lighten up. How do you know the song isn't about some 17 year old singing about a 15 year old? That's not so bad."

Okay, I see your point, Naive Skeptic, but I pass my judgement based on the actual age of the dude singing. Gary Puckett was 26 the day he belted out these perverted lyrics about a twelve year old girl in the studio that day. Feel better? Me neither.


"Chevy Van" Sammy Johns

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A staple in any Time Life Songs of the Seventies album. Just a harmless song about a dude and his van? Oh no. Take a listen.

I gave a girl a ride in my wagon
She crawled in and took control
She was tired 'cause her mind was a-draggin'
I said, get some sleep and dream of rock and roll


He starts off by picking up a tired hitch hiker and tells her to dream about a certain genre of music. If that isn't enough of a clue that he's an insane serial rapist or killer, I don't know what is. And he's in a van. Let's not forget that.

'Cause like a princess she was layin' there
Moonlight dancin' off her hair
She woke up and took me by the hand
She's gonna love me in my Chevy van
And that's all right with me


Unlike Gary Puckett, Sammy chooses his words a little more carefully. She woke up and took his hand. She's gonna love me (whether she wants to or not, Sammy?). You're not fooling anybody, guy. You watched her like a perv while she slept. Keep your eyes on the road, creep.

Her young face was like that of an angel
Her long legs were tanned and brown
Better keep your eyes on the road, son
Better slow this vehicle down


That's what I said! Good Lord, this girl better wake up and jump out of the van right now. Kinda strange how there are no door handles on the inside...

I put her out in a town that was so small
You could throw a rock from end to end
A dirt-road main street, she walked off in bare feet
It's a shame I won't be passin' through again


So he conveniently left out the bit where he violated her in the back of his van, but Sammy has no qualms about admitting to dumping her in some strange town. In bare feet. And he's already regretting he didn't get to do it a second time.

'Cause like a princess she was layin' there
Moonlight dancin' off her hair
She woke up and took me by the hand
We made love in my Chevy van
And that's all right with me


But the real question is, was it all right with her? Here comes that Naive Skeptic again: "Hey man, this article is supposed to be about pedophiles. That girl could've been legal." This is true, but he described her as "young" and a "princess" so Sammy is getting the Pedo Stamp of Approval.

"I'm on Fire" Bruce Springsteen

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We all know The Boss was boooorn in the U.S.A, but did you know he wrote a song about a psycho that breaks in to a girl's home to assault her? Sure you did. Don't let the video about cars and what-not distract you from the disturbing-ass lyrics.

Hey little girl is your daddy home 
Did he go away and leave you all alone 
I got a bad desire 
Oh Oh Oh 
I'm on fire
 

Woah, did he really just say that? Nothing subtle here.

Tell me now baby is he good to you 
Can he do to you the things that I do 
I can take you higher 
Oh Oh Oh 
I'm on fire
 

Notice he didn't say "Can he do for you the thing that I do." That single word is the reason this song is banned in 17 countries. OK, I made that up, but come on...

Sometimes it's like someone took a knife baby 
Edgy and dull and cut a six-inch valley 
Through the middle of my soul 


I did mention this dude is a psycho, right?

At night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet 
And a freight train running through the 
Middle of my head 
Only you can cool my desire 


Singing about soaking wet sheets ain't helping, Bruce.

Oh Oh Oh 
I'm on fire


"Oh Oh Oh." Do I have to spell that one out for you? Naive Skeptic: "Hey, man....Yeah, I got nothin.' This song gives me nightmares."


"Brown Eyed Girl" Van Morrison

Picture
Oh, that's no typo. Everybody loves this song, right? A regular at weddings and keg parties the world over. But have you ever given it any thought? Not to worry, because I have and Rape Van Morrision has pedo written all over him.

Hey, where did we go
Days when the rains came ?
Down in the hollow
Playing a new game,
Laughing and a-running, hey, hey,
Skipping and a-jumping
In the misty morning fog with
Our, our hearts a-thumping
And you, my brown-eyed girl,
You, my brown-eyed girl.


To me, this seems just a little too light-hearted and juvenile to be talking about two consenting adults, here. Playing new games? Laughing, skipping, and a-jumping? Hmmm. Careful, Van.

Let's skip ahead a little.

So hard to find my way
Now that I'm all on my own.
I saw you just the other day,
My, how you have grown!
Cast my memory back there, Lord,
Sometime I'm overcome thinking about
Making love in the green grass
Behind the stadium
With you, my brown-eyed girl,
You, my brown-eyed girl.


Woah. Did he really just comment on how much she's grown? The average girl stops growing around 18 so that means he hasn't seen her in years. So long, that he's shocked by how much she's physically grown.

"Hey man, people grow intellectually and spiritually, man. That's what he's talking about." Really, Naive Skeptic? Because he clearly stated HE SAW HER just other other day. He didn't say "I talked to you and realized just how much you've grown as a person on the inside." And why didn't he stop to chat? Perhaps a certain rule involving how close he can get to minors?

And why were they doing it behind the stadium? You know where most stadiums are? By schools. And what about that "song that they used to sing?"

Sha la la la la la la la la la la dee dah
Just like that
Sha la la la la la la la la la la dee dah
La dee dah.


Sort of sounds like a children's tune, doesn't it?

Do me a favor and look at his photo above. Now imagine him saying "You're my little brown eyed girl. This will be our secret." You can thank me when you're done vomiting.

~Robert Brumm
20 Comments
Renee link
4/10/2014 05:49:37 am

You know the dirty "need a shower now" feelings these songs inspire for you? That's me when I hear my 9 year old singing along to One Direction.

You've forever ruined Brown-Eyed Girl for me. Thanks.

Reply
Chris
5/12/2014 01:12:30 am

Ok well, the Brown Eyed Girl one is a bit of a stretch. It could be about something that happened when they were both kids. This would also explain why they didn't see each other for such a long time. People tend to drift apart around that age, leaving school, moving to a new town, all that.

Reply
Bambe
8/13/2018 02:51:54 am

sound more like a young crush, then they grow up. In the context of these comment, I guess it could be disturbing but I didn't take the original song that way. Maybe it's about teenage lovers, that's what I felt. There R so many songs so much worse.

Reply
Sam Westaway
11/4/2019 10:05:52 am

He also wrote Cyprus avenue, about him watching a 14 year old girl from his car as she comes home from school.

Bridget
6/17/2014 03:29:48 pm

Why is Ted Nugent not on this list?! Not only does he have several pedo songs but he's a self-admitted pedo, He's the biggest serial-pedo of them all! He adopted underaged Pele Masa so he could have sex with her. Jailbait and Girl Scout cookies are just two of Ted Nugent's vile pedo songs. He's the Pedo King and should top your list.

Reply
RB
6/18/2014 02:27:05 am

The Nuge, huh? I have to admit I'm not very familiar with his work besides his couple of hits that get radio time. I have seen him in interviews going off about how much he loves to kill and eat animals so I wouldn't be surprised if he's got a whiff of pedo. His love of hunting borders on creepy, the way he describes it.

Reply
Bridget
6/19/2014 08:25:44 am

Ted Nugent doesn’t even try to veil it!
Just one example here…there are many pedo songs by him.

Jailbait by Ted Nugent

Well I don´t care if you´re just thirteen
You look too good to be true
I just know that you´re probably clean
There´s one lil' thing I got do to you

Honey you you you look so nice
She´s young she´s tender
Won´t you please surrender
She's so fine she´s mine
All the time, all mine mine
It´s all right baby
It´s quite all right I asked your mama
Wait a minute officer
Don´t put those handcuffs on me
Put them on her and I´ll share her with you

Full lyrics here:
http://www.sweetslyrics.com/750707.Ted%20Nugent%20-%20Jailbait.html

Bridget
6/19/2014 08:28:01 am

Ted Nugent doesn’t even try to veil it!
Just one example here…there are many pedo songs by him.

Jailbait by Ted Nugent

Well I don´t care if you´re just thirteen
You look too good to be true
I just know that you´re probably clean
There´s one lil' thing I got do to you

It´s all right baby
It´s quite all right I asked your mama
Wait a minute officer
Don´t put those handcuffs on me
Put them on her and I´ll share her with you

Full lyrics here:
http://www.sweetslyrics.com/750707.Ted%20Nugent%20-%20Jailbait.html

Danny
2/23/2019 10:12:53 pm

BS on Ted Nugent! He's no pedo! You need to Get the gutter out of your head!

Reply
Bridget
6/19/2014 08:24:55 am

Ted Nugent doesn’t even try to veil it!
Just one example here…he has many pedo songs.

Jailbait by Ted Nugent

Well I don´t care if you´re just thirteen
You look too good to be true
I just know that you´re probably clean
There´s one lil' thing I got do to you

Honey you you you look so nice
She´s young she´s tender
Won´t you please surrender
She's so fine she´s mine
All the time, all mine mine
It´s all right baby
It´s quite all right I asked your mama
Wait a minute officer
Don´t put those handcuffs on me
Put them on her and I´ll share her with you

Full lyrics here:
http://www.sweetslyrics.com/750707.Ted%20Nugent%20-%20Jailbait.html

Reply
Helen Annand
8/31/2014 03:06:11 am

Why do you use the word paedophile specifically coined to excuse child abusers. Call them predators, abusers, but please - not 'child lovers' which the word means.

Reply
Robert
8/31/2014 04:08:20 am

Helen, I don't think there is a person on the planet who thinks the word pedophile means anything other than a disgusting excuse of a human being that sexually abuses kids.

Reply
karen young
11/19/2015 10:55:23 am

i am listening to a rubbish radio station at work (no choice) and that song young girl was just played and i heard the lyrics for the first time.. i was thinking to myself 'how did that get released? and why is it still getting air time? i couldn't believe what i was hearing so I googled the song to see what controversy it must have caused.. and I found your article :) :) bunch of creeps.

Reply
Hendo
1/28/2016 02:43:15 pm

You forgot Benny Mardonnes-Into the Night...

Reply
Hendo
1/28/2016 03:00:14 pm

This may just be semantics but, I think the proper term for these songs wouldn't be pedophilia(a psychological disorder that is a sexual attraction to juvenile pre pubescent children) I'm guessing it's more like Ephibophillia, an attraction to underage sexually mature (pubescent or post pubescent)girls typically stated as being between the ages of 14 and 19 in reference materials. No, I'm not mention this because I condone it, just felt that the distinction is relevant.

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Ross
2/9/2016 12:17:06 pm

How about "Go away, little girl". Especially Donny Osmond's version.

Reply
Cha Cha link
5/2/2017 12:01:37 pm

Geez just enjoy the great music, English majors.

Reply
Nick
4/25/2018 10:18:12 pm

Amen Brother!!!! I Love your commentary though. You had me rolling. Definitely taking Brown eyed girl off the playlist. Aloha!!

Reply
Pyewacket
1/2/2019 10:08:39 pm

Oh bull. The ONLY song on that list that deserves the pedophilia rap is Young Girl. At 25%, that puts you way down on the accuracy scale.

Brown Eyed Girl is about teen lovers who meet later in adulthood.

Chevy Van is a paeon to free CONSENSUAL ADULT love.

And the use of "little girl" and "baby" are STILL commonly used by adult men to refer to their adult sexual partners. Women often use "baby" to refer to their adult male sexual partners. Or do you think any woman who calls her boyfriend "baby" is a pedophile lusting after pre pubescent boys?

If you SERIOUSLY think that ANY of those 3 songs even vaguely references pedophilia, YOU are the one with the problem.

Get real. There are TONS of much worse songs out there. For example, see if you can find a song with a refrain that goes (this part is chanted and I don't really remember the rest of the song but you can BET this made an impression on me at the time):

"Daddy, Daddy, don't be mean,
Reach up for the Vaseline!"

This song was popular in the 1920's/1930's. I've even seen (really old) printed sheet music for it. The rest of the lyrics are no better. AND, this song is backhandedly quoted in a Gary Cooper movie called "Return to Paradise" when Gary Cooper shows reluctance to go sailing off alone in his sail boat with his barely pubescent "daughter" (played by a damn full grown woman with big boobies barely stuffed into a sarong). First the "girl" says it, then some smirking asshole guys laughingly repeat it, while Gary Cooper stands there looking poleaxed while his "daughter" (who would be about 12 according to the timeline of the movie but, as I said, is played by a damn-full-grown-scantily-clad-woman) hangs off him seductively with her body pressed up against him. "Daddy, don't be mean!" All kittenish and coy and definitely NOT innocent.

In addition, it is pretty strongly implied that this very young girl was already sexually active with a Naval officer who had crashed in the lagoon and was "making time" with her, fully intending to leave her behind (pregnant or not) as soon as the Navy could come and pick him up.

I don't think any of that was accidental or unintended and I think Gary Cooper looked so damned uncomfortable because he WAS dreadfully uncomfortable with the subtext.

There are LOTS of very offensive, misogynistic songs from all musical eras in all musical styles. Those 3 don't even come close.

Reply
CD Smith
7/22/2019 02:52:32 pm

^^ THIS.
Damn, had to scroll a mile before someone finally posted sense. You nailed it perfectly in fact.

The guy who posted the original page here needs a checkup from the neck up. Plus I think he's projecting more than a little.

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